An Addict’s Love Song to Her Son
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
And I have very little interest in polyamory because multiple relationships take so much work. I'm cheerfully nonmonogamous. :D
I'm just sad that Matisse never noticed that my comments about wrestling her for who would top were thinly veiled ways of saying I would lose. :)
boot_slut on October 21, 2010 at 11:07 PM · Report this
18Darlin' Darlin',
You should do more research before tossing something like this out there to meet a deadline! {And if that's not why you did it this way, you should be aware that to those who know the difference your piece screams 'rush job!'. Or ignorance.}
You obviously don't take Poly people seriously.
As a movement, Poly is trying to define itself, and make public the distinctions between Poly & non-monogomy, infidelity, polygamy, etc., so for now, at least, the discussion should not be discouraged.
on October 22, 2010 at 12:42 AM · Report this
19So far, all 17 comments above have proven MM's point, if in wildly different ways.
Great article. "Bottom" line?
illegitimati on October 22, 2010 at 1:08 AM · Report this
20Great column. As usual in these conversations, it makes me wish there was a word for "I'm sexually monogamous, but I'll do various forms of kinky shit with anyone whose company I enjoy (and who enjoys mine)." I know, I know, labels invite just the kind of confusion and oneupping and purer than thou crap that MM describes, but it's nice to be able to have language to start from. I usually use "sexually monogamous, kink poly," which seems to do the trick, I suppose.
Also, @ Sergei, "I know most fetishists are dour and humorless"... Are you serious? Man, that's the best joke I've heard all day.
seanchai on October 22, 2010 at 2:26 AM · Report this
21#15 THANK YOU. Who made up that word anyway?
I think it'd be much sexier to be "polyerotic" in any case.
Something else that I need to get used to: using the abbreviation "poly" for polyamorous. Way to completely appropriate a common prefix, guys. Like there aren't a million other words that begin with "poly." Every time someone says that they are poly I want to be like "So you're polygamous? Polygynous? Polyandrous? Polydactylic? Polychromatic? Polynesian? Polygonal? A polyglot?" I realize that this kind of thing does happen linguistically, but usually it's context-sensitive - e.g. "mono" can refer to an illness or to a recording method if that's what you are talking about. OK, OK, I'm being grumpy, but I'm probably extra touchy about it because I don't like the word "polyamory" to begin with. Also, maybe I've been drinking.
lazylisa on October 22, 2010 at 5:06 AM · Report this
22My personal view is that the argument that mankind is either monogamous or not is false, some people are and some people aren't. Some are more adapted to the freedom of polyamori, some want the safety and/or stability of monogamy and some want to try and combine the two with swinging. Like sexuality it's probably a sliding scale between wanting to sleep with everyone in sight and wanting to be with only one person all your life (or even none at all as asexuel people might feel). Regarding sleeping around there's a world of difference between somebody who does it because he/she can, he/she has permission from their lover and somebody who feels that their loved one is neglecting and/or pushing them away.
The only thing as far as I see it that all these people should do is to be open and honest with their partner/-s. I'm re-reading Venus in Furs right now and the kind of honesty that the main female character Wanda displays early on in the story might be just what would make a lot of relationships happier, stating as she does that she might find him interesting for a month or two at the most but then she'll probaby want to move on. Basicly telling him to enjoy the present but don't expect it to last.
But then that would require quite a lot of honesty about oneself and not everybody know themselves that well or have the strength to tell others about it.
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
And I have very little interest in polyamory because multiple relationships take so much work. I'm cheerfully nonmonogamous. :D
I'm just sad that Matisse never noticed that my comments about wrestling her for who would top were thinly veiled ways of saying I would lose. :)
boot_slut on October 21, 2010 at 11:07 PM · Report this
18Darlin' Darlin',
You should do more research before tossing something like this out there to meet a deadline! {And if that's not why you did it this way, you should be aware that to those who know the difference your piece screams 'rush job!'. Or ignorance.}
You obviously don't take Poly people seriously.
As a movement, Poly is trying to define itself, and make public the distinctions between Poly & non-monogomy, infidelity, polygamy, etc., so for now, at least, the discussion should not be discouraged.
on October 22, 2010 at 12:42 AM · Report this
19So far, all 17 comments above have proven MM's point, if in wildly different ways.
Great article. "Bottom" line?
illegitimati on October 22, 2010 at 1:08 AM · Report this
20Great column. As usual in these conversations, it makes me wish there was a word for "I'm sexually monogamous, but I'll do various forms of kinky shit with anyone whose company I enjoy (and who enjoys mine)." I know, I know, labels invite just the kind of confusion and oneupping and purer than thou crap that MM describes, but it's nice to be able to have language to start from. I usually use "sexually monogamous, kink poly," which seems to do the trick, I suppose.
Also, @ Sergei, "I know most fetishists are dour and humorless"... Are you serious? Man, that's the best joke I've heard all day.
seanchai on October 22, 2010 at 2:26 AM · Report this
21#15 THANK YOU. Who made up that word anyway?
I think it'd be much sexier to be "polyerotic" in any case.
Something else that I need to get used to: using the abbreviation "poly" for polyamorous. Way to completely appropriate a common prefix, guys. Like there aren't a million other words that begin with "poly." Every time someone says that they are poly I want to be like "So you're polygamous? Polygynous? Polyandrous? Polydactylic? Polychromatic? Polynesian? Polygonal? A polyglot?" I realize that this kind of thing does happen linguistically, but usually it's context-sensitive - e.g. "mono" can refer to an illness or to a recording method if that's what you are talking about. OK, OK, I'm being grumpy, but I'm probably extra touchy about it because I don't like the word "polyamory" to begin with. Also, maybe I've been drinking.
lazylisa on October 22, 2010 at 5:06 AM · Report this
22My personal view is that the argument that mankind is either monogamous or not is false, some people are and some people aren't. Some are more adapted to the freedom of polyamori, some want the safety and/or stability of monogamy and some want to try and combine the two with swinging. Like sexuality it's probably a sliding scale between wanting to sleep with everyone in sight and wanting to be with only one person all your life (or even none at all as asexuel people might feel). Regarding sleeping around there's a world of difference between somebody who does it because he/she can, he/she has permission from their lover and somebody who feels that their loved one is neglecting and/or pushing them away.
The only thing as far as I see it that all these people should do is to be open and honest with their partner/-s. I'm re-reading Venus in Furs right now and the kind of honesty that the main female character Wanda displays early on in the story might be just what would make a lot of relationships happier, stating as she does that she might find him interesting for a month or two at the most but then she'll probaby want to move on. Basicly telling him to enjoy the present but don't expect it to last.
But then that would require quite a lot of honesty about oneself and not everybody know themselves that well or have the strength to tell others about it.