12 Ways I Think My Marriage Will Be Even Better in My Thirties
5 Reasons Why I Hesitated to Take My Husbands Last Name
I Am Not the 60 Percent: On Not Letting the Second Divorce Statistic Become Your Statistic
A Characteristic I Am Thankful My Spouse Has
12 Sweet and Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse Gratitude
7 Reasons You Should Say Yes to a Quickie (aka a short date!) With Your Spouse
10 of the Most Disgusting Things I Do for Love
Were You Disappointed by the Way Your Spouse Proposed?
Sweetest Day Is Coming: 5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Care
10 Things Every Married Person Should Know About Their Spouse
10 Dating Do's and Don'ts We Can Steal from the Disney Princesses
5 Fun and Frightful Ideas for a Spooky Date Night
Survey Reveals the Most Difficult Year of Marriage
How Love Is Like the Seasons
As a storyteller, I often look back on my relationships and pick out foreshadowing: the omens. And by now, I recognize the omens even as they're happening … and sometimes I change my behavior, but usually I don't. Perhaps this state is what they call maturity.
One night while we were out, Mr. Ambition sighed in an offhand way. He seemed tired, out of sorts. "I just want someone to take me on an emotional journey," he remarked to me. Then he added, "… No offense."
I mentioned this to a friend, later: "Mr. Ambition says he wants me to take him on an emotional journey," I said.
"An 'emotional journey'? That shit gets old, though," said my friend. I laughed, and agreed with him.
Another night, Mr. Ambition mentioned something about enjoying drama. I was with my best girlfriend at the time; she and I looked at each other. "Careful what you wish for," I said.
My friend said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Clarisse knows how to create arbitrary amounts of drama at any time."
"But I'm pretty sure I don't want to," I said.
Later, when Mr. Ambition mentioned that he doesn't usually know how he's feeling, he added: "My friends can often tell more about my own emotions than I can."
"So you basically outsource your emotional processing to your friends?" I asked.
He agreed.
Perhaps the worst omen was when Mr. Ambition told me, "I've never been hurt by love."
"Never?" I asked.
"Never," he said.
His certainty was so great that, in itself, it made me uneasy. Because I have definitely been hurt by love. And my greatest wounds were dealt by men who seemed sure they loved me. A man who seems sure might actually be sure, but he may simply fail to understand himself …. So these days, it's always men who seem certain that make me most uncertain.
There's another great quotation from that Monica Ali novel, Brick Lane. Here it is: "The thing about getting older is you don't need everything to be possible anymore, you just need some things to be certain."
5 Reasons Why I Hesitated to Take My Husbands Last Name
I Am Not the 60 Percent: On Not Letting the Second Divorce Statistic Become Your Statistic
A Characteristic I Am Thankful My Spouse Has
12 Sweet and Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse Gratitude
7 Reasons You Should Say Yes to a Quickie (aka a short date!) With Your Spouse
10 of the Most Disgusting Things I Do for Love
Were You Disappointed by the Way Your Spouse Proposed?
Sweetest Day Is Coming: 5 Simple Ways to Show Your Spouse You Care
10 Things Every Married Person Should Know About Their Spouse
10 Dating Do's and Don'ts We Can Steal from the Disney Princesses
5 Fun and Frightful Ideas for a Spooky Date Night
Survey Reveals the Most Difficult Year of Marriage
How Love Is Like the Seasons
As a storyteller, I often look back on my relationships and pick out foreshadowing: the omens. And by now, I recognize the omens even as they're happening … and sometimes I change my behavior, but usually I don't. Perhaps this state is what they call maturity.
One night while we were out, Mr. Ambition sighed in an offhand way. He seemed tired, out of sorts. "I just want someone to take me on an emotional journey," he remarked to me. Then he added, "… No offense."
I mentioned this to a friend, later: "Mr. Ambition says he wants me to take him on an emotional journey," I said.
"An 'emotional journey'? That shit gets old, though," said my friend. I laughed, and agreed with him.
Another night, Mr. Ambition mentioned something about enjoying drama. I was with my best girlfriend at the time; she and I looked at each other. "Careful what you wish for," I said.
My friend said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Clarisse knows how to create arbitrary amounts of drama at any time."
"But I'm pretty sure I don't want to," I said.
Later, when Mr. Ambition mentioned that he doesn't usually know how he's feeling, he added: "My friends can often tell more about my own emotions than I can."
"So you basically outsource your emotional processing to your friends?" I asked.
He agreed.
Perhaps the worst omen was when Mr. Ambition told me, "I've never been hurt by love."
"Never?" I asked.
"Never," he said.
His certainty was so great that, in itself, it made me uneasy. Because I have definitely been hurt by love. And my greatest wounds were dealt by men who seemed sure they loved me. A man who seems sure might actually be sure, but he may simply fail to understand himself …. So these days, it's always men who seem certain that make me most uncertain.
There's another great quotation from that Monica Ali novel, Brick Lane. Here it is: "The thing about getting older is you don't need everything to be possible anymore, you just need some things to be certain."